The Four Cats

[bubboriley]

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were .

The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat,'T-square, do your stuff.'T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, asquare, and atriangle.Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said, 'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.'

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies . Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Measure, do your stuff.'

Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass. Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, 'What can your cat do?'

The Government Employee called his cat and said, 'Coffee Break.....do your stuff.'

Coffee Break jumped to his feet..........

ate the cookies..............

drank the milk..............

sh * t on the paper..................

screwed the other three cats.

claimed he injured his back while doing so...............

filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.........

put in for Workers Compensation...............and

went home for the rest of the day on sick leave............!

[bubboriley]

A Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the
students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette.

They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk
shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really
all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would
all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to
convert it. Seven days later, they're all together to discuss their experience.

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages on his body and limbs,goes first. Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him, from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in
a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors
running in and out of him. He was in real bad shape. The Rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."